This period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.
Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.
The following list is a detailed glossary to the terms this generation is using to navigate love, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.
Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!
Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.
Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)
Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.
Choremance – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.
Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.
Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.
Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.
Flags
Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).
The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.
Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.
Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.
Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.
Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.
Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?
Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any feelings of interest.
“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.
Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.
Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.
Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {
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