Those Words shared by My Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct statement "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up among men, who still absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the body - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."